Human psychology is wired for comparison, yet we often choose the wrong metrics. Let me share a story that starkly illustrates this point.
On January 5, 2009, Adolf Merckle, a billionaire worth $9.2 billion and the 94th richest man in the world, ended his life. Despite his immense wealth and achievements—transforming an 80-employee family business into a conglomerate spanning 120 companies—Merckle faced a financial crisis following the 2008 economic downturn.
A liquidity shortage and significant investment losses left him desperate, though unbeknownst to him, a loan approval to save his companies arrived just days after his death.
Why would someone with so much success take such a drastic step? Many speculate it wasn’t just the financial losses but the fear of being remembered for his misjudgments rather than accomplishments.
But was it indeed a downfall? Or was it the way he measured success that led him to despair?
The Comparison Trap
Society measures success by social status and wealth: net worth, grades, followers, and other metrics that invite endless comparisons. Elon Musk vs. Bill Gates. Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. It’s natural to compare—we’re biologically wired for it. However, comparisons can quickly become destructive when misused.
The problem isn’t comparison itself; it’s choosing the wrong basis. You'll always feel inadequate if you measure success by comparing your worst days to someone else’s highlight reel. The key is to define your metrics thoughtfully.
A Personal Realization
When I began my consulting career in 2018, I often compared myself to peers ahead of me. This sense of being "behind " consumed me. But one conversation with my girlfriend (now my wife) shifted my perspective.
She pointed out the progress I overlooked: paying off student loans, saving for our wedding, supporting my family, and excelling in my job. She asked, “You still consider yourself unsuccessful?”
She was right. My metrics were flawed. Instead of celebrating what I’d accomplished, I measured my life against assumptions and numbers I’d invented about others.
Choosing Better Metrics
Most societal success metrics—money, milestones, social status—are generic and impersonal. What does "enough" money even mean? True success metrics should be personal and rooted in your values and circumstances. They should reflect your journey, not someone else’s.
Here’s the only metric I’ve found that truly matters: How much better am I today than I was yesterday? To evaluate this, I created “priority buckets” to measure my success over time:
Well-being: Physical health, mental health, time management.
Career: Professional growth, achievements, and areas for improvement.
Finances: Debt, investments, and financial stability.
Relationships: Connection with my spouse, family, and friends.
Entrepreneurship: Progress in personal ventures and new opportunities.
I review these buckets every six months to assess my progress. This approach has transformed my perspective, helping me focus on what truly matters and celebrate small wins alongside big ones.
Success is a Work in Progress
No one teaches us how to measure success, yet it’s one of the most critical skills we need. Reflecting on your priorities can shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. You might realize you’ve come much further than you thought.
Dr. Jordan Peterson aptly said, “Life is a series of championships.” For Adolf Merckle, perhaps the tragedy wasn’t his financial losses but his choice of metrics. What if he had measured his 74-year-old self against his 20-year-old self? What if he’d focused on his family, health, and resilience instead of the immediate crisis?
You can build a framework that motivates rather than drains you by redefining your success metrics. Take a moment to create your priority buckets and see how far you’ve come. You’ll likely find a few losses and plenty of wins to celebrate.
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